Yo, that's illogical...

So I just had something pointed out to me by my best friend. I said something on twitter about my butterflies not making sense, and she said if I keep trying to make them make sense, I will lose them. FACT: My best friend is a genius.

And she is freaking right! The most common sense thing that I didn't even think of myself! Hah.
It's simple as this Love. Does. Not. Make. Sense. Love is illogical, it always has been, since the dawn of time, and always will be. I mean, come on, think about it? A classic, Romeo and Juliet had no clue what they were doing and it ended horribly, there was a ton of logic lacked in that love story. And then the new found favorite of every teenage girl in america, Twilight. A vampire and a human? It's forbidden love, always. And they definitely had some issues but they did get a happy ending. I mean, really, what does it freaking matter anyways!

Ohh random side note: I'm currently listening to this band called Push Play (because, like I said, my best friend = genius hah) and this one line in this one song seriously just struck me, I had to rewind and listen to the line, just the one sentance three times before I let the rest of the song play. This is what it said "If you could see my soul, These walls would surely shatter. If you could see my soul, our differences won't matter anymore. Letting go of the history that's come between us all. If you could see my soul, What I'm worth on the surface." WOW. There's more, now that I'm listening to the rest of it, but man...Jeeze...Gah.. Sorry. Back to my love isn't logical rant.

So anyways, what does it matter if I'm falling in love with someone I've only met once? (There I said it! Falling in love! Hah! Why should that scare me?) And what does it matter if he's 11 years and 7 months older then me? And what does it matter that he's the object of hundreds of other girls dreams? What does it matter that I couldn't possibly be right for him when he seems so right for me? What does it matter that everything about him suddenly gives me butterflies? What does it matter that this new found happiness he gives me could have the power to utterly destroy me? HAVE I NOT BEEN DESTROYED BEFORE? HAVE I NOT ALREADY GONE THROUGH ALL OF THIS? GOTTEN USED TO IT? FAMILIAR WITH IT?

...Why should I be afraid to love again?

Love is illogical. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to...Not if it is love. Sure, he won't take interest in me I'm sure...But even that thought isn't sending horrid aches through my chest. Maybe in time it will, depending on how far I end up falling. But to be completely honest I. DO. NOT. CARE. I haven't been this happy in SOOO long. I can no longer try to deny it....He makes me happy, makes me smile, gives me butterflies like freaking crazy. He's taking center stage in my dreams now.

I would not have thought this possible before. I didn't even consider it. I didn't think "Oh I'm in love with this guy" before I met him. I thought he was cute, sure. But I didn't think he was beautiful...But now, it's all I see. After meeting him...He changed everything that moment I was in his arms. Like the entire world just sort of shifted so everything looked and felt different. Shifted just enough so that my black hole was upside down and I fell out on firm ground with the sun a contant thing in the sky. He did this. I don't know how, and I don't know why. And it does not matter. I do not care.

I'm happy. Because of him. That may change at some point, but right now I'm just going to enjoy it. It's wonderful. Feeling so free!

Do not, however, get me wrong. I am not entirely healed, as I had hoped. My first love, I saw him today, extremely distantly...My heart skipped some beats and I had no words or thoughts. It was silent, errie really. I know that he will always be a part of me, whether I want him to be or not. But I do. He shaped who I am today, and I thank God for every moment...The moments I smiled, and the moments I suffered. I wouldn't want to take it back, and if I had to relive it a thousand times over, I would, gladly. I will always love him. Always, no matter what. Maybe the way in which I love him will change. But it doesn't matter. He is happy, and that makes my sun shine out the clearer. I thank God for every second. I don't think I deserved the good, and more then deserved the bad. And I doubt I deserve to be as happy as I feel now, but I don't care. It doesn't matter...

I'm illogical.

Love is illogical.

Life is illogical.

Yo....That's illogical, but I can have it. :)

-Brianna