Being Selfish...

I didn't really realize that the orange juice carton in the fridge was the original kind. You know, like where you push it back then pull it open? I thought it was like my carton of fruit punch, which just has a cap on the side. Needless to say, when I took the orange juice out of the fridge and shook it, juice came flying up into my face. I felt really stupid. Haha.

Also, we finally got out Christmas tree today! We decided to put it infront of the living room window this year, instead of in the middle of the wall like we typically do. It makes the room seem smaller cause it takes up a lot of space, but I like it. We start the decorating process tomorrow. And speaking of decorating, as always, my dad has outdone himself on the lights outside. Anyone who knows me probably has seen what my dad does. It's crazy. But gets better every year. I should take a picture and post it or somethying. It's really worth seeing. :)

Wow. So I'm watching the tv guide channel because nothing is on. And one of the listings said "Hollys World" and then right after that there was one that said "Holmes on homes" Lol. made me think of my besssstie! Oh and now Demi Lovato is on the screen. Hah...Anyways...

Hm...Well, I really feel lame. I have no idea what to talk about. My mind seems to be blank at the moment. Not that that's a bad thing. Usually my mind is a rush of thoughts I try to run from. Empty thoughts are kind of nice. But I do have a headache...That I don't like so much.

Well I finished one of the things I was making last night. Took me forever. And I don't even know if I'll use that one, since the ones I'll make after will hopefully be better. At the moment it's remaining a tester. But if I do use it, I know who it'll go to. Whats-his-face. (His official referance on my blog, lol.) My one-time-met-best-friend-who-won't-remember-me. Yeah, he gets the crappy trial and error gift. Haha. No, I probably won't use it anyways. It sucks. Which makes me think all my gifts are going to suck, and I pride myself on my gift giving. I love the people in my life so much, so I try and make my gifts something they will really like, to show my thanks and appreciation for them. I hope I don't fail at that this year.

Hm, it's almost been a year since I first met one of my best guy friends. And it has almost been two years since I first met my genius best friend (That's her official reference on my blog now...Genius bestie! Lol!) Feels like so so so much longer to be honest. But I must say, these past two years have been the most memorable so far...Not just because of her, but everything I went through, with her there, helping me through it the whole time.

And right this moment I am watching reruns of The Nanny and listening to See U In The Dark...And I just realized that my playlist on the computer is missing at least 50 bands I like. I gots to remember to go download that stuff. I mean, really, I'm missing all my Secondhand Serenade and he is one of my favs! Sheesh. I have all this crap on my dads computer, just not on mine...Which I hate with a passion by the way. But that is unimportant.

Soooo, since I was unable to make it to the places I needed to go the other day, it seems tomorrow will be my job hunting adventure! Yay! I'm not looking forward to working, but I need money unbelievably bad. Seeing as how I owe my dad a ton of money for my phone bill he's been paying since April. And of course money for Christmas shopping...I'm bout out of cash now. And then the fact that one of my friends already secured me a ticket to go see someone special in concert in January...I got to pay her back 50 bucks for that whenever she, or her mom I guess, needs it. And then other special things I'll be needing money for in the near future.

Gah, I feel so unbelievably selfish right now. I keep thinking about how "I want this..." and "I need money for this..." and blah blah blah...Etc. I'm usually not so self centered, honest. It's just this happiness. While at times I'm feeling even more selfless, I know I'm being very selfish. I'm selfish for wanting to sustain my happiness. Keep it intact, and strong and whole. I don't want to lose it and so I would go to extremes to keep it. And not even think about the more, much much much more important things in life...Like starving children and homeless people, and uncurable diseases! That is what I should be striving to help. What I should be putting money to...Not things for myself. Ugh...Someone should slaaaaap me silly. Really.

Ohh headache is getting much worse. I should sleep soon. You know, I think I could do well if I lived in L.A....I'm already on a normal sleeping schedual for that time zone. I can't seem to keep up with my own for a long period of time. Sigh. How lame am I? Lol.

Another realization to hit me...I'm happy. And I know my lifelong excuse for not writing on a daily basis to my bestie is that I don't like writing when I'm depressed. That it's no good then, and I'm never inspired. And I don't have that excuse right now. I'm always happy, cheerful, chipper, giddy, you name it, I'm it. Soooo I will very much soon be writing. I don't exactly know what at the moment. I might take a trip back to my old old stories, or just continue my recent ones. Or I may start a new one...I'm not sure. But soon, very soon, I shall have something written.

"The way we're living makes no sense. Take me back to the age of innocence. I want to go back then, take me back to the age of innocence. When pharmacueticals where there to make life beautiful. When the way that we were born was more then suitable. When everybody thought that they could make a difference. And you couldn't get your pics within an instant." - Hollywood by Cute Is What We Aim For

<3

-Brianna