Random Thoughts

The problem with eating chips is that you have no power to stop, even if you aren't hungry, your hand will continue to venture into the crinkly bag and pull out some crunchy chips to shove into you mouth. It's inevitable.

And I love when I'm listening to this soft quiet mellow song that is purely instrumental, on my playlist, and then it jumps to this loud rocking song with an imediate sick beat and hyped up guitar then someone going "Woo!" Haha. It always startles me when that happens, but I love love love this song. (Rock With You by Honor Society)

So I realize that I have done okay with not mentioning someone (Well, not really okay, I only went two blog post, not something to celebrate over) But I have mentioned him, in some form of context on twitter and facebook, and my mother said something about him, so we talked about it for several minutes. Over all, I'm not doing good with that yet. I don't need to think about him, I don't a lot actually, which surprises even me. But I like to think about him. I remember before, in my "dark days" when I tried so so hard not to think about things that would trigger my emotions in any way...I would run from my thoughts, shy away from them, cowering in the corner, always so desperate to distract myself....It's nice, not running from my thoughts. I like that I have pleasant thoughts, and the fact that he isn't consuming all of my brain power even when I do think about him. I can multi-task my thoughts with him. Think about a ton of things at once....Well, maybe not a ton of things, my mind aint that big...But a few things. Hah.

I dreamed about him last night...It sort of reminded me of that first time I dreamed of him, months ago, before I even cared about him. I don't know what my simple joy with hugs is really. But it's always the hugs for me. Haha. In my dream he kept hugging me, and singing quietly in my ear each time. It was so vivid. Only the parts with him were vivid, I don't remember much else. I don't even know who else was in the dream, though there were a lot of people. Oh well, unimportant. Just a VERY good dream. Makes me want him more. Sigh.

I wonder if I really buckled down on the whole "Not thinking about him thing" and took away all reminders, like my music I fall alseep to everynight...I can easily change it out with something else...I can change my desktop backround, my ringtone, I can not visit twitter so often....If I did all that, I wonder how good it would feel, when I was freshly brought back to it. I haven't gone a full day without some kind of inclination toward him since he became the object of my affection. And I know from genius besties personal experience that it's wonderful. I think I'm going to try it, for real try it. Maybe not this week though, since I need to keep my eyes open for an announcement that will let me know when I get to see him, in person, again. After that though, I'm going to do it. Just for the heck of it. See if I can first off, and then feel the even-better bliss my bestie was going on about. Ohh...But what if I keep dreaming about him? I don't know how to turn those off, lol...Ah well, maybe without sleeping to that sound I wouldn't dream about him anyways. Though, I used to dream about someone else every night that I dreamed, which was just about every night...Hm...Well, I'll see how it goes. I'm guessing the announcement I'm waiting for will occur within the week, so once I got that settled then I'm going to hold off on him.
Ohhhhh maybe, if I can, I could block him out, all the way, until I see him face to face again. Wow. The thought of that kind of joy is just, wow. Haha. I don't know if I can do it, but maybe I'll try...Then it would be like the first time all over again! Oh, how lovely.

Note: Bag of chips was about 1/4 full when I started this blog....Now there's barely any whole chips left, and a ton of little broken ones. Chips are a curse. :P

And now I have a strong desire to watch Lord of the Rings, but, it's 3am, and it's a 3 hours movie = Not going to happen tonight. Perhaps tomorrow I'll watch it, if I have time. :) <--- I like the way this smiley looks. When I do smileys like that on twitter or facebook they don't look as happy. Hah, I'm so freaking weird!

Oooooo!!! "I hope this doesn't make you cry, but I don't wanna make you mine! I've told you for the millionth time that I don't need you in my life!" - Don't Tell Anyone by Nicholas Jonas. Hah, forget I had the old old stuff on this playlist. :D <-- see! Just so happy!

Also, I finished another one of the things I was making! And it actually doesn't suck! Ahh I'm excited! Now, this one might go to Whats-His-Face, or to Him. Hm...I need a better term for him then just Him on here, though I don't want to use names. Of course the one person who reads my blog knows so I don't see why it matters, but I don't feel like shouting it to the world at the moment. Ah well I don't know. I'll come up with his official name for my blog later. As of right now he is just Him. Ohhh and another one of the people whom I don't want to name, that I met just once (Who by the way he smells soooo good) Well, he's going to be refered to as Snazzy! Because this friend of mine applied that term to him and it fit really well, and made me laugh so from now on the oxymoron guy is known as Snazzy! (Yeah, his last name is an oxymoron, another thing that friend pointed out to me!) Hm...Might as well find a term for everyone else now while I'm at it, and bored to death. Okay we have Him, Whats-His-Face, Snazzy, and the fourth will beee...Okay I used to be good at code names but I'm epic failing now. I'll think of one for Him, and the other later...Also for my first love, and those other two...Need ones for them. Sigh I talk about these people a lot. Lol.

Ohhh "Dear God, people take your words and try to twist them round. I know you can't be happy with what's going down. I'm searching for some answers, but they can't be found, can you help me out? Dear God!" - Dear God by Nicholas Jonas. More old stuff. I am lovin it! :] <--- Happy happy!


I realize that I have to get to Nashville on January 4th, and haven't a way to get there. Probably going to bribe my sister to take me, but if it turns out I have other places to go in January/February too (Still waiting on that announcement) then I won't have a ride to some of them, because there is no way my sister will take me out of state more then once in one month, no matter what the bribe is. This is not good, because I'm already obligated for Nashville. Spent the $50 and all...and I HAVE to see Him when oppurtunity shows itself....Oh this is going to be a hectic, wonderful, but hectic start to the New Year. Haha. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is my selfishness speaking by the way, in case you didn't notice. I'm only thinking of myself, gah. I don't want to say I can't help it, because that's just stupid. Being selfish is a choice, not something that just happens. At least I know I am though. First step is admitting you have a problem. Haha! Siiigh.

I know what I'm doing for Besties birthday! It's going to take me a while so I'm glad she's planning this thing for the end of January, but if I get it done she will indeed love it, of that I am sure. My Christmas gift may suck since I lack in the creative skill I need, but the other thing, well, that's a whole other story. Ha ha ha! ;P

"So the bar tender who tends to pretend that he's concerned says 'girlie girlie you're at your best when you're sober' and she slurs 'no no, just one more!' and one turns into four. The fourth drink instinct is taking over and the gentlemen is leading her towards the door. So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning? When he found that bed so easily in the dark! And what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning? When he found that bed so easily in the dark. She thought that she could buy happiness by, by the bottle. " - Fourth Drink Instinct by Cute Is What We Aim For

-Brianna