I still do not have HBP on DVD. This is extremely upsetting. I went shopping today, but the places I went didn't have it. :/ Annnnd I barely got any shopping done. But I did buy my brother a book he's been wanting, so, that's something at least. I just finished another homemade gift for one of my friends too, dunno which one yet. Still need to hit up more stores to get more stuff. I've been doing good, making one each night. So I'll have them all done by the time it's Christmas. I may be giving them to friends before, or after Christmas though, depending on when I get to see them. Everyone is just so busy these days. I'm even busy, to some degree, which is clearly saying something. Hah. And then the others, well I won't be seeing them for at least a month, so I have plenty of time to perfect them. :)
Oh and it's only a little after 2am tonight! Usually I don't do the blogging thing till like 3:30am. I'm getting better! Slowly...Keep waking up early, running low on sleep, so I'm gradually falling back earlier, which I've been trying to do.
Okay, I'm hungry...Snack time, be right back!
So it came down to a hot pocket or a peice of chocolate cake. Miraculously I went with the hot pocket. Haha.
Anyways, I don't like when people are narrowminded. Maybe my problem is that I am too open minded, but really, I think it's better that way, or, at least a good balance between the two. It irritates me when people can't see things a certain way because they aren't letting themselves be open to the possibility at all. And it doesn't just bother me because most the time I'm on the end of which they can't see, but it bothers me that they miss out on so much. They watch the world through half-lidded eyes, and if they just opened them up all the way, and just let themselves believe the possibilities of anything, life would be more fun, less stressful. But some people can't be swayed. I won't try to sway them. I don't even express these views to them. I don't know if I have it in me to call someone out on the way they live just because I don't agree with it. I mean, on that level anyways, it's not hurting anyone. It's not like someone doing drugs...That I would voice my opinion on openly and proudly. I'd tell em straight up how stupid they are. But honestly, I don't like to judge people. I don't know what goes through their mind. I've been the object of peoples judgements all my life. It bothered me when I was younger, until I learned not to let it get to me. When I was proud of who I was, I would even get some satisfaction out of seeing people look at me and immediatly forming an opinion on me because of how I was dressed or what I would say, or the fact that I talk so loud, and my annoying laugh radiates a mile wide. It doesn't bother me much these days. I just wish people weren't so incredibly narrowminded.
I've always been different. The outcast in the crowd. It was only these past few years of my life I started fitting in somewhere, to an extent. Being a part of big exciting things and not being alone. Having true friends who were friends to my face and behind my back. Having people who weren't obligated by a blood bond to care about me. I treasure it more then anything really. Even some friends I have who are narrowminded, I still love them. Wouldn't dare trade them for anything.
Hm...I think I got off topic. Hah, what was my topic again? My annoyance with the narrowminded folk, right. Well, yeah you got the point.
Today I took a look at some things in my life, not fully realizing the things that I wasn't happy about. I've been so absorbed in my illogical joy that I didn't stop to look, with my bright new eyes, to see what was wrong. I have two very very good friends, who I haven't spoken to in months. Haven't seen them in even longer. I don't have a clue what's going on in their lives. I mean they could have dropped out of school, or moved over seas, or gotten engaged and I wouldn't know it. I don't know if this is my fault, or theirs, or a combo deal. But I don't like it. I mean, I've been friends with them for six years! That's a long time! So why now should we be getting so distant? I have so many memories with those two. So many good ones, and a ton of bad ones. They are the only two friends I have from before the turning point. Back when all my other friends were partying, and getting knocked up, and smoking all sorts of killer drugs, I only had two friends who didn't go down that path and leave me all alone. It was just us, pulling through sanely, away from those wrecked middle school years, and the begining of high school. We made it out, without having changed into someone else. But now I feel like I barely know them. I'm really not happy about this. It's a big black smudge on my pretty bright window.
I know friends grow apart. I know it happens. It's the way of life. But I was so sure I'd always have them. Always, without a doubt. Now I don't know. I'm not so sure anymore. And this distancing, which is only growing rapidly in the wrong direction, is making me scared. I haven't lost them yet. I know if I called them up in the middle of a break down, they would be there for me. I know that. And they know I would do the same. The depth of friendship has not changed. Never can I'm sure. But the nature of it has. And is.
And so it makes me afraid of losing others I have gained more recently. I mean, I love ALL of my friends. And sometimes there are some things you can only do, or talk about with a certain friend. I have that with all of my friends, certain sides of me that only are open infront of them, while not infront of others. Sometimes it's easier to joke with one friend, and easier to get emotional with another. But I can be myself in my entirety with my Bestie. And I'm not saying we have a perfect friendship. Me and her have gotten into fights before, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Was very emotional. Me and her are so alike, and so different. And we agree to disagree, because sometimes we think in exactly the same way, and get the same conclusions. And other times we think the same but come up with different conclusions. And then there are times we don't think alike at all but still get the same conclusion, or think nothing alike and get different conclusions. It could go any way with us. But when I'm in my deepest darkest places, she takes care of me. And when I'm beyond happy, she shares in my joy. And I can trust her with anything. Things I haven't told anyone before, things from a long time ago, or recent things, doesn't matter, she knows them all, and she doesn't judge or condem me for anything. She always gives me good advice, even if I'm too stuborn to listen to it, it's always good. And our friendship is really strong, though we barely see each other or hang out due to lack of time.
She's been my Best friend for almost two years now....And I can't stand to think that in a few years me and her would grow apart, like I am now with friends I've known for the better half of my life. I never thought that would happen, and yet it is. I really don't think it would happen anytime with this Best friend, because we've gone through a lot together, and still are. We're still on a journey that will never really end. And even though my original goal in the journey failed, I never veered off course. Even though my purpose of the journey may be changing, I'm still on it. Because she is on it. She's got her course set, and it's not changing. We both know where she's going on this road, and I will not abandon her to travel it alone. And once she reaches her destination, I will still be on the journey with her, because her journey will be the same, just a little different. I am so certain me and her will never grow apart. How could we? When she's going to get where she's going, and though the picture now looks different to me, it will still be one big happy family, full of friends and smiles. I'll be in the picture, I was always in the picture, I just didn't always have a smile. And I thought, when I knew who would be standing next to us in that picture, the new addition, I thought it would kill me. I thought I had left the picture, that she took my place. But I'm still in there, with my best friend, and her best man, and his best men, and their girls, my friends...And me. Maybe, just maybe I won't be an extra wheel in that picture. Perhaps I will have a best man too, at my side, all smiles. Like it's supposed to be.
If the picture turns out how it's supposed to, then we won't grow apart. We're already part of a family that's just not complete, not ready for the picture to be taken because not everyone is ready for the flash. :)
Ah ha don't we love how Brianna can go from one topic to the other like that! And go from one emotion to the next like that! Haha, yeah well...It's whatever. :)
Think I'm going to go work on Besties Birthday present until I'm tired enough to sleep. I am determined to finish it in time for her party because she will absolutely looooove it! I haven't even started her gift for Christmas yet, which comes before the party. Haha. Ah well.
(Side thought: I see it. Not as clearly as I feel it, but I can still see it. Which is weird. I like feeling it more then trying to see it though. I'm afraid of jinxing things. Hah!)
Goodnight bloggers.
"There is a time for everyone, where they decide who they'll become. The leap of faith where fights are won. I know I'm not the only one. It's a long way up. But I won't stop. I'll sing for the broken hearted. I'll sing for the dreams that won't come true. And the music won't stop playing. Tonight I sing for you. I'll dream about the place we started. Hold on to the past I can't undo. But the music Kept on playing. Now tonight we sing for you." - Sing For You by Honor Society
<3
-Brianna
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